Are you using mods? If so, have you tried disabling them?

Try both you and your friend going into the Beta drop down and select the "old" file.
See if that works.

If it does then I would make sure to report it as a bug from the crossplay patch.

If it does not then maybe a file verify of local files. <or try that first on both machines>

With game off
Library at top
right click game name for Properties
Local files
Verify

i'm finding the same with friends as well since the update. we are playing without mods. The game lags so hard (and we've never had that issue) plus heaps of disconnects

Originally posted by Elaborate Corpse:

i'm finding the same with friends as well since the update. we are playing without mods. The game lags so hard (and we've never had that issue) plus heaps of disconnects

Another important distinction here is if you ever modded.
Are you unmodded now but have modded in the past?

Frankly I have not tried multiplayer since the update so I don't know about the issue. But if you want to report it as a bug it is best to be as clear as you can about it.

Originally posted by GunsForBucks:

Originally posted by Elaborate Corpse:

i'm finding the same with friends as well since the update. we are playing without mods. The game lags so hard (and we've never had that issue) plus heaps of disconnects

Another important distinction here is if you ever modded.
Are you unmodded now but have modded in the past?

Nope never modded, we don't play with mods. This is actually a new world we are playing on, only fresh by two weeks.