I still haven't found the grave even though I put a marker on it... strange that the marker remained but the grave (and all my best goodies) went with it ... sad times
I can't find any way of getting it back either. Tried reloading the steam save from when I logged out ... its still not there... Now I'm in the process of re making everything again. Fortunately I had saved some spare not so good armour so its tiding me over.