In terms of your other issues.
Death makes you drop your stuff but you can pick it up and reclaim it.
You lose some skill progress 5%.

You can not be forced into PVP .. I won't play a game like that so I really have not played many other "survival" type games.

Servers are generally small groups of friends, not open to public. People can come in and steal your stuff and destroy your home so most servers are password protected to prevent griefers.