The controller is hit or miss atm, you may want to wait longer.
It just recently launched on xbox so if they're getting controller comments from that it would take some time to implement changes.

As for the discord, you can find an official invite link from the Valheim reddit on the sidebar (right hand side in useful links)

In the discord there are channels for looking for group servers and what not that would probably be your best bet if not in the steam LFG sub section.